This comes out differently every time I try to write it, because depending on the day I have so many different feelings about life and pain and my story and the future. I think the hardest part is just having the courage to start. The courage to let out all of the details and feelings that I usually tend to hide from most people. I never wanted my disability to define me. It’s also in fear of being misunderstood or labeled as “the sick girl” or being too bitchy or too moody and sad or just ‘too much’ in general for people. But! Here we go!
My freshman year of high school. 2004. That’s the last time I had a day without pain. 17 years later and I’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually feel good. Back then I was confused (about why Tylenol and Advil stopped helping and why I was forced to live in pain) and concerned (worried that the headache I had all day, every day was something serious and dangerous) but actually a little more hopeful that doctors would figure this out and it wouldn’t be my life forever.
Today I’m a 30 year old woman (although most of the time I feel like a teenager mentally and a senior citizen physically lol). What was once a daily headache has also now turned into a daily headache/migraine with widespread pain (some doctors have said Fibromyalgia), my neck killing me, my back in constant muscle spasm and pain, and the emotional toll of dealing with it all for 17 years.
I’ve thought about sharing my chronic pain journey for years. I finally decided to take the leap because I’m hoping that this can help. That writing it will be a therapeutic release for me, and that reading it will be able to help anybody else that may be dealing with chronic pain and/or headaches and migraines. I don’t really have friends that deal with chronic pain so it’s hard to feel understood and relate to others about it. Whenever I stumble upon a Facebook ad for a migraine med of some kind and see a comment on the post that is exactly what I have, or feel, or experienced it makes me feel so much less alone and “crazy.” I would love for this to be a safe space for people with chronic pain to comment, share, encourage, communicate, relate, and feel a little less alone.
So please – comment on posts, reply to others, tell me your stories and experiences. Let’s all help each other on our journeys with chronic pain and being a “Chronic Work In Progress.”